Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
