Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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