So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
