Walk of Shame. In a state park.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
