If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
