Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's shark week go big or go home
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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