i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
