Where is the hickey?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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