I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
