You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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