Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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