This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
