I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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