i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
nutella sex= disaster
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
