My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
