I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
