I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
