and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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