Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
