There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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