i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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