Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
