you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I looked at my own cervix.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
