hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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