who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
