What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
