Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
