we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
