how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
