Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
