I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
