tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
