yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She even gives head with a lisp.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize