I heard we made out
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
