I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
