I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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