You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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