There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
