I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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