she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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