hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You don't make any sense
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