He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
