There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
