we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize