just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
