highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
