If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she smelled like a LAN party
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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