Tell her she can't have a vagina
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
