eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
