I'm laying in your front yard are you home
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
