I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
