Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
