Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
