So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
