I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
