I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
