Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
