Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
