Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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