the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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