So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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