he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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