god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
