you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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